The Star of the Show- March 26, 2014

"If life were a movie, I'd be the star... haha that is how chaotic my life is..." - Me via a text message to one of my best friends.

And it's very true...

A little over a month has passed since everything has happened. It feels almost as if a lifetime has happened! So full! So much can happen in such little time...

And so many emotions can happen in such little time. It's kinda of crazy, really. 

I've been the angriest that I've ever been. I've been the saddest that I've ever been. I've been the numbest I've ever been. I've also been at some of my happiest points. 

Something interesting about after a tragedy happens; you CLING to the happy moments. You cling to anything that makes you feel good. You'll jot down notes to yourself, "This is good. This makes me happy." Because you don't want to lose that happiness. You want a taste of the familiar.

Really, I don't know what I need to say. I don't know if I'm doing this for myself, or maybe for someone else that needs it. I always have this hope that SOMETHING that I say will help someone get through today, and tomorrow, and the next day. I just hope that something will inspire me. That's why I haven't written in a while. Nothing really has...

And then, I realized, that the reason why that is, is because my priorities were not what they were before.

On my mission, I had the spirit with me constantly. I was up by 6:30, and I was diving into the scriptures by 8:00 in the A.M., searching for something, some inner meaning that I needed to know, something that my Father in Heaven needed me to know for that day. I was teaching people about the Savior, and of the plan of happiness that is for all of us. I was testifying in a language that I don't think I would have been able to learn without that spirit that I constantly sought for! I was surrounded! And not only that, but I taught people about that spirit, and that we needed to have it with us always!

"... Ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." -Moroni 12:6

Life became crazy when I came home.

Confusing.

Frustrating.

Tiring.

And sometimes, when life becomes like that, we slide a little. We are tossed and turned with "the mighty winds" and the "shafts in the whirlwind." And the "storm beats upon you" and it "drag[s] you down." (Helaman 5:12)

This has been the biggest trial of my faith. And I am weak. So very weak.

But, I am also strong.

There is power in the scriptures. So much power. And for a little bit, I forgot a little.

But, that's why there is repentance.

I started reading again. That spirit was back. It didn't necessarily leave me. He wouldn't do that. But, He was just merely waiting by the side, waiting patiently for me to invite Him back.

There is help from all sides. And we are entitled to that help, IF WE SO CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT.   

Even the star of the show needs her supporting roles to help her through the crazy times.

5 Blessings:

1. I have the scriptures in my life, most particularly the Book of Mormon.

2. I have awesome friends and family here to support me.

3. I have friends and family and a whole army of missionaries supporting me back in Vancouver, Washington.

4. I am comforted at times that I need it.

5. I can always have the hope and choice that tomorrow will be better than today.