Where there is Goodness, there is God
- Jensen Parrish Hall
- Jan 16, 2020
- 5 min read
For Mianna Farnes Curtis
“…[A]nd I, God, saw that all things which I had created were good.”- Moses 2:21
When God created the Earth, He called it “good.”
I always thought that if God could look at a magnificent of a creation as the Earth and call it “good,” then perhaps being simply good is one of the most aspiring qualities that we can achieve.
***
My aunt’s voice is solemn as she tells me, "I have bad news.”
I hold my breath, trying not to breathe too much into the phone. When you’re hard-of-hearing, the worst thing to do when on the phone is breathe too loudly. It makes it harder to hear, the air blocking the words like a barricade as they come through the receiver.
And being told that there was bad news, I need it to be as clear and quiet as possible.
I wait.
After a sigh, my aunt says, “She passed away early this morning.”
The words that nobody wants to hear, words that I had been dreading, hoping, praying, begging that I would not have to hear.
Maybe I heard her wrong. Surely, the cancer couldn’t have taken my cousin. She was going to beat the cancer. She was one of the strongest, most valiant people that I knew. She was, to put it simply, pure goodness.
Surely, God wouldn’t do this.
Would He?
In my mind’s eye, she was perfect, or at least second best to perfection. So why? Why
would she have to go in such a heart wrenching, painful way, when all she has ever done on this Earth was spread goodness?
Hearing that someone you love has passed away does something to you. It’s rattles your world.
No, it turns your world upside down.
No, it shatters your world.
The first few days after are filled with anger, sadness, but mostly perplexed confusion. You continue through your daily life- take a shower, brush your teeth, eat your breakfast.
Except food may not taste as satisfying as it used to be.
People call you, text you, want to check in on you. But all you want in that moment is to be alone with your thoughts, be with close family, not be bothered.
The mundane everyday activities begin to feel like a burden. The hardest thing you may do in the day is take that shower when all you want to do is lie in bed. The hardest thing you may do in a day is pick up spices and herbs from the grocery store when the last thing you want to do is eat, let alone cook. The hardest thing you may do is answer the phone at work and deal with that angry customer, when all they want to do is complain about how you wronged them, oblivious to the fact that you are having the worst day of your life. The hardest thing you may do in the day is read the text messages from friends and family who are worried about you, especially when you don’t answer them right away.
It simply feels overwhelming.
Because how could life just continue to move on, how dare life continue to move on, when the one you love is not here anymore?
How can you move on when they are not here anymore? Because it’s as if Life took your heart out, ripped out a piece of it, and forced it back into your body and still expect you to live and function normally. Those daily tasks still must be done. Those mouths still must be fed. That job still expects you to be there.
Yet, how can you function with a broken heart?
With the loss of my sweet cousin, I have been pondering immensely. Old wounds and scars reopen, and a plethora of the all-to-familiar emotions that accompany grief come riding back into my life. Those feelings of hopelessness, some anger, immeasurable amount of sadness, but most of all, confusion. Like an IMAX movie, the past plays out in my mind- hearing when my parents and brothers passed away, intense feelings of emotions overtaking my life, the viewing, the funeral, the hours, days, months, even years of walking into the unknown, wondering what was going to happen, wondering why things happened the way they did.
And realizing that many of us in our family, all of us, will be experiencing these feelings again.
Where is God in this? What is His purpose?
As I write this, as I ponder this, I look outside and see the sun starting to rise, the illusion of soft pink hitting the snow-covered mountains from its radiance. The snow sparkling like crystal. The sun still came up, even though it has been dark for a time. It still shows up and shines. It always does. In my moment of sadness, I see beauty.
And then I am reminded of all the good that has happened.
The goodness of families coming together and supporting each other during trying
times and faith crisis. The goodness of strangers reaching out and donating money to someone they do not know in order to help in a small way. The goodness of a community coming together to think of ways to help come up with more funds to donate to help monetarily. The goodness of “Secret Santa” services. The goodness of people making dinners for my cousins so that they don’t even have to worry about what they will eat during the day. The goodness of friends reaching out to when they hear that we are having a hard time. The goodness of miracles and tender mercies. The goodness of testimonies being strengthened. The goodness of comfort when in a time of sadness. The goodness of the knowledge of God, of Christ, of the Atonement.
God was there through all of this.
Because where there is Goodness, there is God.
Because God is not only the good as in the adjective- He is the good as in the noun. The goodness we see, the goodness we feel, the goodness we do, THAT is how we can see Him, regardless of how broken we may feel.
For when we are broken, that is when we can feel Him the most.
There will be trying times. There may be seemingly dark times to come. But I hope that we, all of us, will seek to look for the good during those days. I hope that I can remember to show up and shine and be goodness, like my sweet cousin has shown us. I hope that we can always look for goodness, regardless of the darkness, like a diamond in the rough.
Because in finding good, we will find Him.
"For the fruit of the spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth." -Ephesians 5:9
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